I used to figure myself to be someone who does things well alone. Someone who could carry on without a lot of help from others. It wasn’t that I thought others were incompetent or that I simply didn’t want their help – I was just really comfortable leading life on my own terms. I also thought people wouldn’t really care much to talk about life with me. They had their own lives to lead.

Of course, I found that it’s nearly impossible to keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, without building up huge pockets of anxiety. I became afraid of my own shadow. Thinking that no one cared about what I had to say would really make me feel helpless, because in times of sadness or despair – I would feel like I didn’t have anyone to trust. Slowly, by letting my feelings come out to the people I cared about the most, I began to see that creating some dialogue was necessary to help me get over the problems I faced.

When I was having problems in middle school and high school, I actually first turned to online communities like LiveJournal and Myspace. They were places I felt I could really express my feelings, and ‘talk’ about the issues I had. I think they were great from the standpoint of recording how I felt, but they didn’t give me the same feeling as talking to a great friend.

Things have changed since then, and new online platforms have come about – but my feelings towards them remain the same. They’re great to establish connections regardless of location and encourage dialogue. But nothing beats a real-world feeling of community. The feeling you get by looking into the eyes of someone else, and knowing they’re there to help you get through things.

I try to keep one foot in the digital space, and one foot in the real world. They’re both great places to interact with people – I just try to pay attention to the moments when I just need to reach out and hold someone’s hand.

– Matt

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